The Fine Line Between Friendly and Flirty
You might be wondering from this cover photo what being friendly, flirty, and Galantis all have in common? Well, I went to see Galantis a few weeks ago (AMAZING by the way), and I ran into a situation that got me thinking, “Can guys and girls really be friends?” and also question how people in their 30’s actually make new friends now-a-days.
So I’m at this show with my cousin and we end up standing next to a group of people. My cousin ends up wandering off and never comes back to the dance floor, which is how I really become friends with this group of people. There was a group of 4 people? Questioning my memory skills here! But there was a girl, her husband (it was her birthday), another girl, and a guy in the group. There might have been 1-2 more people with them but I couldn’t tell if they were all together or had just met at this show. So this guy is wearing a Galantis jersey and I asked him if he had seen Galantis before. He said no, but he bought it in preparation for this show - he buys all the jerseys of the artists that he goes to see. Dedication! I mean, jerseys are hella expensive so kudos for taking on that commitment when you decide to go see a show. We are chatting, I’m telling him about a dance festival I went to last year, and he asks me if I would want to go to a show with him sometime.
If anyone knows me, I’m so awkward. And this question throws me off. Because of course I love shows and want to go to any of them. But also, I have a partner and going to a show with a random guy might come across as kind of sketchy in my committed relationship. So I told him that if we went as friends and with a group of people then I would be down. We exchanged numbers and at the end of the night he sent me some videos from the show which I had asked for cause he was taller and able to get better shots (also I hate pulling out my phone during live shows because I want to experience it, not see it through a screen!…but thank you to those who can send me the video evidence).
^^ Video evidence of Galantis and me jamming out to my favorite song! Thanks Galantis Guy for sending me this!
After the show, I’ve followed the guy and his sister on Instagram, and I’m also trying to track down my cousin who is still MIA (I found him eventually, yay). Galantis guy texted me later that night and asked “If you would like, maybe we could (platonically) get some coffee sometime? There is a place I just started going downtown that I really enjoy.”
This is where the question of “can guys and girls really be friends” came to mind, and where inspiration for this episode started. In full disclosure, the Girl Gang was going to record an episode with a totally different topic on this night and when I brought up this question, the girls immediately said that we should just talk about this subject because they had a lot of thoughts on it. So here is a recap of our conversation with zero preparation beforehand while discussing this topic… ENJOY!
Episode 10: The Fine Line Between Friendly and Flirty
Platonic friendships between men and women can be a complex territory to navigate, especially when you're in a committed relationship. Even though we focused mostly on male and female dynamics, there is a whole other level to consider if you date people of the same sex and/or gender. This episode of Girl Gang Podcast was therefore focused on our personal experiences with opposite-sex friendships.
The conversation began with me describing the situation and throwing the question out to Brandi and Sarah - can you have platonic relationships with the opposite sex?
One of the key insights that emerged was how intentions matter significantly in these friendships. While some people genuinely seek platonic connections, others might have hidden romantic or sexual agendas. Sarah shared some of her experiences where her friendly demeanor was misinterpreted as flirtation, highlighting how easily signals can be crossed. Brandi basically said that we are too nice and look too friendly which is why we fall into these situations sometimes…Thanks B!
Trust within your current relationship emerged as perhaps the most crucial factor in navigating opposite-sex friendships. When you and your partner have established strong trust, these friendships become less threatening. An important thing we discussed is that if you have friends of the opposite sex, your partner should know who they are and get to know them. Group settings are an ideal way to integrate new opposite-sex friendships, especially if you are also dating someone and the relationship is pretty new.
Another key thing we talked about was how past relationship trauma significantly impacts how we approach opposite-sex friendships. I talk about my ex-husband's dishonest "friendships" and because of those situations I had in the past, I felt like I couldn’t have those true platonic relationships with guys. What works for one person might not work for another which was pretty obvious considering Sarah and Brandi feel much more confident that men and women can be friends.
The conversation also touched on how these friendships can change over time, especially when people are starting new romantic relationships. For instance, my oldest friend from high school is a guy and we’ve always been very close. When I was going through my divorce, he had been in a somewhat new relationship and his partner wanted assurance that nothing was happening. I appreciate that she didn’t give him an ultimatum (the Girl Gang does not recommend this!) because now I’m super close with her too and even got to officiate their wedding which was so special.
An interesting point discussed was the contrast between long-established opposite-sex friendships versus newly formed ones. There's generally more trust and understanding with friends you've known for years before entering your current relationship. For new friendships, we kept coming back to that idea of trust with your partner and focusing on the group setting, which I think is key!
The episode wrapped up with a clear answer: platonic friendships between men and women are absolutely possible and often valuable! Clear communication, respect for boundaries, and trust are all key items if you are going to have these friendships. As adults, making new friends can be challenging, so we shouldn’t be selective based on the sex and/or gender. Trust your gut and open yourself up for those friendships because the best people in your life could be those that you haven’t even met yet.
Listen now!
Chapters to check out:
1:08 Meeting New Friends
4:51 Intentions Matter: Friendly vs. Flirty
19:36 Moving from Flirt to Friends
21:54 When Friends Clash With Relationships
30:37 Can you be friends with your ex?
35:40 Partners Reactions to your Platonic Friendship
38:34 Making Friends as Adults
My question to all of our readers (and listeners) is…Can you have platonic relationships with the opposite sex? Text us with the link in our episode description so we can hear your thoughts!
P.S. Galantis Guy - if you are out there reading this, I hope you don’t get offended that I used our story for the inspiration on this episode and blog. You are great and have excellent taste in music, obviously. Cheers to you, cheers to you being vulnerable, and I appreciate you for making friends in this awkward stage of life where meeting new people is hard.
So until next time - stay bold, stay empowered…
Rachael & the Girl Gang
